I'm Not In Hiding

My last post was at 35 weeks pregnant.  After that, things got a little crazy around here.  We were enjoying my mom living here while her house was being built, she was so much help tying up loose ends around the house and nursery before the baby arrived.  Also during this time is when my grandfather got very sick.  I was an extremely lucky girl to be 24 years old and have all of my grandpartents living.  In fact, I have been fortunate to not have many experiences with death at all.  My dad's brother passed away when I was very young and my sweet aunt passed away just a couple of years ago.  I have always thought of death as a celebration.  I mean seriously, there is no place I would rather be than in Heaven with my Father.  I always wanted the pain to go away for my loved ones and I knew only God could do that.
My family, all of them, began making trips to visit with my grandfather.  Unfortunately I was the only one that missed out on this because of the 6 hour drive.  This was harder than I imagined.  I kept reminding myself that he would know I wanted to be there and that he knew how much I loved him.  I so badly wanted him to meet the sweet baby in my stomach.  She would have loved him as much as I did.  At 38 weeks pregnant, my grandpa passed away.  My view on death was suddenly shaken.  Not only did I not get a few last hugs from him, I was unable to attend the funeral.  My heart was broken, and with tears falling on this keyboard, it still is.  All of my friends and extended family, near and far, were sweet to send encouraging words to me and to my family during this time.  I tried to stay busy around the house and focus on the health of myself and my baby as my blood pressure was getting high.  I found myself in bed during the funeral talking to my grandfather in Heaven, praying for my family at the funeral, and thinking about my grandmother who had spent the last 60 years waking up to her best friend.  I knew he was sitting next to me, and he knew where I wanted to be.  Little did I know, he would be watching over the birth of my daughter the following week.

I love you, Dad.  I miss you everyday.  I am so thankful to have known you and grateful for the example of what a Godly husband, dad, and grandfather looks like.  You are an amazing man!